The Waves In The Storm Cloud

beginning
noun
the point in time or space at which something begins.


It had been a traumatic night, full of gas (the laughing kind), excitement, pain, exhaustion, relief and joy. Our beautiful girl was finally in the world!

Now it was early morning and I found myself alone in my hospital room. Hubby had gone home to catch the last of potential sleep for the night while I stood over this tiny life pondering what had just happened, then I was hit by an overwhelming, drowning cloud of anxiety - 'What have I done? What do I do? The life I knew so well before is over and the unknown reaches for me!' It had only been a few hours and instead of feeling over joyed and elated I felt alone, terrified and guilty that instead of feeling an abundance of love for my precious girl I was feeling isolated, trapped and needing to run for air!

Now you may be reading this thinking, 'Wow! Are these even the emotions you should be feeling when you become a new parent?' My answer - YES! Emotions, that is what they are. Anyone will tell you that a female producing a child, who has hormones seemingly out of control can journey through 50 shades of emotions in one day...it would seem. 

Fast forward to me in the hospital a few hours later, my husband had returned, the family had arrived and there was more than enough love in that tiny room for this wee poppet and then some.

So why would I start this post with what may come across like a typical emotionally charged moment after giving birth, a moment that seemed to be forgotten about in the hours following? Because these emotions would become the daily battle internally for some few more years to follow.

This was the point in time for me at which something new began.




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