After a four year journey I have slowly become educated about depression and can admit that this is something I have walked through as a young adult as well but completely unaware of what the problem was. Now I walk through it again with having children.
I understand the wild journey as someone who doesn't realize there is something going on, as someone discovering this is becoming their reality and someone who is choosing to beat it.
This page is about my journey of beating depression which is an illness many people deal with but few understand the truth about it. I will continue to add to the content as I walk out the every day battle until I have reached the place of victory.
The story of how I got to this point is a long one which I have started to unpack on my other page 'The Waves in the Storm Cloud'.
Although I have been seeing mental health professionals, on medication and had heavy support from friends and family, I identify that now is the time I am finally walking the battle for myself. Before I was lying flat unable to stand, with the support and care I have received I am now standing on my own ready to walk for myself.
The first thing I want to focus on is reconnecting my relationship with God. Its always been there and through the darkest hours I have always known He has been close but my only prayers and time with Him have been about survival. Now I want more. I am so grateful that I believe and love a God that can love me unconditionally through all times and even though I felt so distant from Him and life, I knew he was carrying me.
I haven't properly read the bible for a good while, just bits and pieces so I felt that jumping in and trying to read a huge chunk while my brain is on a recovery mission may not be the best idea so I've started a 21 day devotional about beating depression on a Bible App I have. (Praise the Lord for technology!) This devotional is great, there isn't a lot of reading, it gives me a scripture, prayer to pray, and practical outworking tips. It also focuses on being thankful which is a great first start to recovery.
My lens through life for the past four years has been negativity and depression and I have looked at all aspects of my life and world through this perspective. Mentally I have to actively change my default setting so being thankful for 21 days is a pretty good places to start.
Here we go:
Day One - I am thankful for my devoted husband, my beautiful children and that I am here.
Day Two - I am thankful for health care professionals that go over and above. That my kids are healthy and my husband has a great job.
Day Three - I am thankful for the ability to dance, the ability to worship and for laughter.
Day Four - I am thankful that I am able to get out of bed everyday this week, that I could receive wood from a stranger while Mike was at work and that I was able to go to a birthday party with strangers having only a mild anxiety meltdown before hand rather than a full blown panic attack during.
Day Five - I am thankful for a loving church family, for the youth bake sale and the laughter that my husband brings.
Day Six - I am thankful for friends who understand, for family who are so generous. I am thankful for hope.
Day Seven - I am thankful for the day spent with the kids, that I can go to a gym to workout and for kind neighbors.
Day Eight - I am thankful that I no longer need to see my psychiatrist regularly, thankful for being able to help a friend. That I could use the phone to call someone about something important without freaking out.
Day Nine - I am thankful I was able to visit a friend in hospital today, that the kids are on the mend from a cold and for my husband doing the groceries.