I sit here wondering, 'How do I even start to write?' Its been a four year journey having three beautiful children with my amazing husband. I feel like now, after Mr Three, that I have returned to my home planet and have commenced the slow journey of touch down! The past four years has been an incredible, exciting and challenging adventure almost as if I had taken off into the unknown space above us, discovering new life and overcoming challenges I never thought I would have ever faced.
As I reflect on this Sci-Fi imagery I am reminded of the early days when Miss One was a newborn and we were learning on the job about feeding and sleeping through the night. It took us at least an hour minimum to have her fed, burped and changed before putting her back down and it was the original Star Trek series hubby and I watched at each feed that got us through the tiresome three hourly life style. Now we have Mr Three and we are some what feeding and sleeping pros as the confidence has grown and the ability to allow the children a short time of protest no longer phases us or pulls on the heart strings. Seems old James T Kirk is neglected at this parental growth.
Today I felt the urge to come back to the blog life, something I enjoy, and start to share the journey of life with others or simply help me to process what has happened in my world and make sense of it all.
I don't know what this beginning journey of family building is like for most people but for me it has been a time of great joy, mass amount of love growth, marriage making but also isolation, and loneliness bought on by depression and anxiety. Some days life is about simply surviving until my number one gets home from work or being able to form some sort of a smile to a friendly stranger. There has been days where I have wanted to jump in the car and run, stay in the bed under the covers or cry all day for no real reason. I've had friendships sail to a greater distance away due to lack of understanding and my faith has been shaken as trying to read or even pray becomes to much for my brain to process. But through the battle of ugly I have won and come out the other side to land in a beautiful world that has transformed and flourished underneath the fight above. Now its the exploration part, I step out of the ship that has felt like my place of holding for four years to explore the new and beautiful mother, wife and woman that I am.
Although when I look back I see darkness there has been an abundance of Sun shining hot and bright melting the troubles away. A lot of these moments are to do with my family, yes this might be the time where I start to seem like I am bragging or being biased, but if I did not have my children or my husband to wake up for every day, I know there were times where I wouldn't have. As well as my family I know that my faith in God is also the only place I could draw true strength and peace often seeing where God has intervened by the right person at the right time, being able to pick up the phone, send a text or just remind me in a simple breeze that he is there and I will be OK. He helped me to laugh with my kids, love them abundantly and to lean into my husband instead of to run. I know I have heard his soft and gently voice prompting me, guiding me and encouraging me. Most importantly he allows me to connect with him where I am at with no pressure or unrealistic expectation to give what I don't have.
The journey is what it is, sometimes its easy and sometimes its not. But its the village that supports and loves you and the hope you hold onto that gets you through it.
Having children turned my world upside down. What I thought I knew about myself I had to relearn. I had to be vulnerable to people and discover new friendships not to mention getting to know what young parenting looks like! But we made the beginning journey in one piece and have the blessing of a family and now greater excitement is on the other side of the door to my ship and its time for me to step out and close that door behind me taking everything I have learned, and the beautiful moments of fun, laughter and joy forward with me. I hope that my journey can be an encouragement, I know I have been encouraged by many who have shared with me.
Welcome back to planet earth!